To me, Lolita is akin to a gun. You wear/use it for the first time and the feeling of power is unlike anything you've ever encountered before. An epiphany. Indescribable. More than just fashion.
When I first started wearing Lolita, I decided on Sweet Lolita and Gothic Lolita. I bought my first JSK from Bodyline, the most well constructed piece (and expensive) from their site. Noticing the lack of pink in my wardrobe, I bought my first two Angelic Pretty pieces at a swapmeet. Upon getting home, I tried them on. I fought with the headbow, trying to make it stand up less, and I tore at the OTKs, wondering what made it look so alien against my skin. Looking into the mirror, I saw myself and it echoed back, this is not me. This is not my true self. It felt as if I was borrowing clothes from another, or like a jigsaw piece forced into another set. In the 2 years I've worn sweet, it never brought this feeling. Why now?
That realization, though devastating with the wardrobe I've accumulated, has brought some good. Since then, I've sold my pieces and connected with my local community more through it, through online and in person sales. I've learned to appreciate pieces, though I'd never see myself wearing them. Wearing gothic and classic, I feel like my true self. My heart is too elegant & posh for sweet it seems, but I find solace knowing that gothic & classic feels just right to me. My full, A-line skirts brought me more joy than my cupcake-shaped pink skirts. The simple, yet well constructed bodices & sleeves made me fall deeper in love with Victorian Maiden & Moi-Meme-Moitie. This was me. Lolita was more to me than clothes that fit just right as an asian american, pretty clothes that are eye candy. It taught me to be able to tell quality from a glance and take better care of my clothes. It allowed me to connect to so many different and similar people globally. It allowed me to strike up a conversation with anyone in my vicinity with ease, knowing that we all share a common lifestyle. Camaraderie. To me, Lolita is akin to a gun. To me, Lolita is true self expression.
